I used to think that coaching and mentoring were the same thing, except that when you called it ‘coaching’ people paid you for it. But over the last few months I’ve come to realise that they are two distinct things: both valuable, but in very different ways.
If you are lucky enough to have a mentor in your professional life, you probably get help with difficult difficult decisions by asking them for advice, or – if, like me, you are too unassuming to actually bother them – by thinking “What would Lucy do?” (I am substituting a real name with Lucy from Peanuts here, because she is also one of my spiritual guides and role models).
If you are someone’s mentor and they ask you for advice, you uncomplicatedly give it. Recently an ex-colleague whom I helped to move into product a couple of years ago got in touch to ask me which of two job offers I thought he should take. One was further outside his comfort zone, offered more immediate prospects of development and came with a slightly higher salary. The other involved doing more of what he already does. “But you hate what you already do”, I said. He thought about it. “Yes, I do”, he said. “So I should go for the other one, shouldn’t I?”. I agreed that he should.
He knew the answer to his question, but he wanted reassurance from someone he trusted that it was the answer, and he wanted to understand why it was the answer. Having had the same debate both with colleagues and in my own head multiple times, I knew how to help him. Next time he comes up against the same question, or someone he knows does, he’ll be able to help them, too. (Incidentally, here is a free piece of advice: if you have to choose between a job you are scared you might not be able to do and one you know you can, always choose the former. You’ll be fine, I promise.)
Coaching, though, involves an entirely different approach. It’s not about answering questions, or problem-solving on behalf of others; it’s about equipping someone with the tools to solve their own problems. If you’re a coach and your client asks you for advice then sure, you can give it – but will your answer, which is particular to your own needs, circumstances and experience, be the most valuable answer to them? Almost certainly not. As Nancy Kline says in Time To Think, “the brain that contains the problem probably also contains the solution.” In other words, the best solution to your problem is the one you come up with yourself.
If you come to me as a coach with a problem, I won’t tell you what I’d do in your shoes (INCREDIBLY TEMPTING though that is). Instead I’ll ask the questions and create the space to let you reflect on the problem from new angles and bring your particular needs, circumstances and experience to bear in order to find an answer that works for you. It’s harder work for both of us – but it’s also much more rewarding when we get there, and gives you the sort of tangible, long-term benefit that a simple piece of advice never could.
(But I do mean it about the jobs.)
The Product Pathway 